


Are you f*cking kidding me right now. (!!!DISCONTINUED BECAUSE I FOUND OUT FUNDY AND ERET ARENT OK WITH THIS!!!)

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft Youtubers, dreamteam - Fandom, eret - Fandom, fundy - Fandom, mcyt
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Clay’s here because George is here, College AU, Don’t realise they’re the same person, Double Life, Enemies to Lovers, Eret and Fundy are from a magical country where he magically grew up with Fundy, Eret fundy, Fundy is a mess lmfao, M/M, This is honestly projection, all of this is unchecked and unedited bc im getting away from exams lmfao, clay didnt go to college because he owns places in florida where ppl rent it out, discontinued, first time writing lmfao sorry, fundy didnt drop out of computer science college or whateva, fundy doesnt stream w face cam in this, ill delete it if they want it to cuz ill literally do anything for them, im gonna avoid erets course as much as possible bc i dont know muffinstuff about college, im putting alastair as he because i eenie meenie minee moed it, online friends au, romantic, side dreamnotfound, this has swearing!!, this started out as a oneshot and now is a full blown series bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I walk down the same stupid hallway to the same stupid building. Same stupid classroom. Same stupid required classes. Same stupid Floris, the guy who hates me for no reason. Honestly, it wasn’t my fault we hate each other; asshole has the audacity to ignore my presence. Ok, that sounds rather dickish, I mean I’m not a king that needs to be bowed at but he could at least nod or something!Just as my mood drops, a notification pops up to interrupt my thoughts. What the fuck is it now? Oh! It’s Fundy!ItsFundy: eyy eret u goopd? u kjnda left me on deivered for a solid ten mins :(<Ahh... I can finally breathe. Floris somehow manages to ruin my mood every chance he gets so I’m glad I have Fundy now.The_Eret: Man, I cannot even. Your timing is impeccable.
Relationships: Discontinued - Relationship, Eret & Floris | Fundy, Eret/Floris | Fundy
Comments: 14
Kudos: 136





	1. To my morning sun,

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! this is my first work so sorry... i love these two and always wanted to read a story like this so why not make one! Anyways enjoy :)) pls give me pointers idfk what anything is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no summary for now ajdjskdj

The alarm clock screams in my ear to remind me that the most boring type of hell is awaiting my arrival. 2nd year college. Yeah, alright I understand "sEcOnD YeAr OnLy?! tHEn yOuR SeNioR YeAR iS gOiNG tO bE LiKe SerViNg sATaN wItH nO bReAKs", but I still have so much work; don't even get me started on finals. My grades are fine but they're always much lower than my expectations to the point where I don't even have expectations.

I get up to hear my hungover roommate George and his boyfriend Clay trying to make pancakes whilst being sleep deprived. Underline trying; their little cooking session contains so much of George screaming that I think I'm part of his dumb Minecraft videos. How the fuck did they mess up pancakes?

My legs wobble their way to the restroom where they'd finally put on the same pants they've worn for 3 days; disgusting to you, but a normal occurrence for me. I utter an "oh shit" when I see my oily and disheveled face in the mirror. My breath smells like mints, last night's dinner and cigarettes. Look guys, I don't smoke often but when I do, it's probably for the aesthetic of my room or because I'm mega stressed.

I get out of the "shower" and go back to my side of the bedroom to look at the unfolded monochrome T-shirts laying on my "chair of shame". That chair may as well be my closet for the whole year because it's been weeks since I've put anything on a hanger. A minute passes by until I decide I'm feeling a little daring today and choose my new shirt, Grey #13. My wardrobe does have different clothes that would be considered stylish but why the hell would I impress strangers when I could impress _me?_ In the middle of my clothe changing ceremony, my music is rudely interrupted by... a text! From Fundy!

Now who's Fundy, you ask? Maybe you are asking, or not. I don't know what you're thinking, man. I live in a 17 year old brain and now on an Ao3 story. Ahem anyways. **Now who's Fundy, you ask?**

He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ever since I found out who composed the coolest piano piece based off of animal crossing, I have been his biggest fan until 7 years ago, when I became his best friend. His original username was FlowerBaby since he said it had to do with his name and asked me to bury that dark secret but obviously, I bully him for it.

Our first message exchange was on discord where I completely geeked out on him and spoke about how he was the coolest person ever. I didn't expect him to respond to me and have a conversation. Not only was he musically talented and so fun to talk to, but he is a genius at computer junk. Minecraft became seriously popular and that's where he started getting interested in creating plug ins and coding for it.

From his first 500 subscribers to his 2 million subscribers, I was there for all of it. Oddly enough, I forced him to play Minecraft to get him over his fear of the Ocean. The plan didn't work but he now found a new hobby which was all that mattered. As you can tell, I'm definitely in love with him. Through thick and thin, I've seen it all. I basically know everything to know about him... except for what he looks like, his name and where he lives.

I can guess he's from Europe or at least lives there since he's always awake when I am; he's vaguely described himself as short, curly red/brown(?) haired, brown eyes and small frame. We've only ever called but he doesn't want me to see his face since people have bullied him about it...

Guess it's fair though, he doesn't know what I look like, my real name and but knows where I live. We've made a deal to update details about how we look and currently the place he’s in in didn't change for quite a long time, though he mentioned living in Netherlands then moved somewhere else.

Actually, in a few weeks from now, we’re gonna meet up. I accidentally revealed that I am in London after complaining about the weather. We decided on it a few ago because it’s been a whole 7 years since I first spoke to him, so why not become his friend in real life, when given the chance?

Fundy helped me through so much. From finding out who I am to who I love, it's always him who brings me into the light. Life has never been brighter and when I see him, life is going to be brightest.

After a full hour of listening to Fundy's dumb "weed" playlist while staring at a wall, I head to the kitchen to see a stack of pancakes (and 2 burnt ones on a different plate), a passed out George, a tired Clay watching the last pancake, and a messy sink.

"Dang Alastair, bringing out the spring colours are we? The rainbow is a bit much but I'll respect it" Clay jokes in a British accent. All I give for an answer is an eye-roll. "Jeez dude, keep it down! George is sleeping". He puts the pancakes onto 2 other plates then messily squirts syrup and tops them with butter. "Dinner is served"

"Dinner? Whatever, thanks for the food" Clay gives a thumbs up then walks towards George and pokes his sides to wake him up. The pancakes aren't complete disasters and basically edible (hopefully). I don't wait for the two since Clay doesn't even live here and George is old enough to be responsible. He owns the place anyways.

I realise my classes start in an hour. The apartment is just a 5 minute walk so I have lots of time to spare. I could just go in early to meet Wilbur, that asshole always appears somehow anyways so it'd be chill to hang out with him.

Besides if I reach my class first I won't have to run into _him._

Floris

Well, who’s this stupid bitch?

He is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. That is an extreme exaggeration for effect because I need to be extra all the time guys. Floris, oh Floris. I’ve known him since I was 12. The first time we met, he’d made fun of my skirt that I was completely obsessed with.

Marking the start of an enemyship. 


	2. To my most admirable antagonist,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not realising what’s in my way, I close my eyes from laughing way too hard at one of Wilbur’s dumb memes and then- crash! But, I’m not on the ground, yet something else was. I look to the floor. Yep, something— no someone else was.
> 
> For fucks sake Floris. “Ok get up, c’mon man you’re a big boy- a boy now.” I snicker until I sees his face.
> 
> Why is he blushing?
> 
> Badump.
> 
> What.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy so yuh i havent decided how long this will be this is more of a ‘im yoloing rn’ thing 
> 
> New Note: yeah u can read it akdjskd

Ah, my significant **b** other.

Floris. 

That day he made humiliated me, calling my skirt ‘weird’, was the first and only conversation I’ve had with him. 9 long years have passed since then. Days after the encounter, it turns out Floris’s mum was mama’s best friend and that they were going to move here in hopes that they may start a new life.

I think the way my mummy explained that was rather dramatic in order to guilt trip me, it worked obviously, yet the thick air between Floris and I hadn’t cleared away. “Hating him” isn’t the right phrase for my feelings towards him; it’s more of “so uncomfortable I want to rip my skin off”.

Recently, however, he’s been quite the asshole lately. Every time I make a mistake in class, or I trip, even just snort, he giggles as if _he’s_ part of the conversation. Ok, no that’s just the way my toxic ass brain thinks but he’s been more smiley lately and I don’t know why.

It’s not my problem anyways. 

I’ve decided to go to classes to meet Wilbur an hour early just to hang out and for the shits. My roommate and his bottom feeder (literally) give a little wave on my way out.

The apartment isn’t far from college at all, in fact I’ve just passed by the land of the party animals, underaged girls and study-holics. Those dormitories struck me as unclean and unneeded expenses. Besides, it gets you involved with drama and I’d rather not.

Alas, I’m here. Oh shit, so is he. I walk down the same stupid hallway to the same stupid building. Same stupid classroom. Same stupid required classes. Same stupid Floris, the guy who hates me for no reason. Honestly, it wasn’t my fault we hate each other; he has the audacity to ignore my presence. Ok, that sounds rather dickish, I mean I’m not a king that needs to be bowed at but he could at least nod or something!

Worst part is, we’re heading to the same place so therefore we must walk by each other. Why us he up so early? Did he sleep enough last night?

Just as my mood drops, a notification pops up to interrupt my thoughts. What the fuck is it now? Oh! It’s Fundy!

ItsFundy: dude tjeres a new cpffee dhop

ItsFundy: its like basically an oppirtunuity to be in ashoujo manga amd have the person spill coffe on you

ItsFundy: and boom. readon to meet them again.

ItsFundy: eyy eret u goopd? u kjnda left me on deivered for a solid ten mins :(

Ahh... I can finally breathe. Floris somehow manages to ruin my mood every chance he gets so I’m glad I have Fundy now.

The_Eret: man i cannot even ur timing is impeccable

The_Eret: why meet a cute person when im here :( btw im gonna go be social B) so yuh aNd—sEe yA

There are several dings, probably from an angry Fundy after I quote his video outro. Back to reality though. The lecture room awaits my arrival. 

Sadly, I take a seat, looking around for Wilbur but only see a Floris, nodding off every 10 seconds. He looks utterly stupid with his arm in the air, hand holding his cell phone while the rest of him is scattered all over the table. Did he sleep at 3AM again? Idiot doesn’t know how to take care of himself yet? He’s too old.

Doesn’t he get embarrassed with his gound, patterning his long eyelashes, the eyebags so heavy he can’t keep his head up, or his lips so red and swollen, topped with a little cut on it?

I can easily tell he didn’t eat breakfast. I’ll rack up favours so that one day he has to pay them back. I’m gonna head into that café that opened up and get the peabrain a sandwich and an iced Americano with whipped cream and extra sugar. Who puts so much sugar in?

Nevermind, Fundy does too. Fundy is a child. He cannot handle an espresso or a shot without a chaser. Without realising, I’m already walking towards the coffee shop... what the.

Through the window, I see an emo bottom with the fakest smile and the smallest brown apron on Earth. What the hell?! I’m practically sprinting to the shop to see how this idiot explains how he landed a job here. 

I burst the doors open and a few people look over for a few seconds. “WILBUR- HAHAHA WHEN YOU SAID YOU HAD A NEW JOB I DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE THIS ONE” I hold my stomach in pain at the colour draining from his face. Bet my thumb he didn’t think I’d come in this early. Struggling to walk, I make my way to his counter and pretend to need to read his name tag.

"Hello...Wilbur, may I please have one iced Americano with 2 extra sugars and whipped cream, as well as a ham and cheese sandwich?" Wilbur glares and opens his mouth to (most likely swear at me) but his Boss chimes in to tell him his shift is over after he serves me. "Aww is your wittle pway time over Mr Wilbur?", I remark.

"Fuck you, now I can shit talk you without considering if you won't pay for the food." Wilbur's making my drink, while talking back to me. He's actually pretty skilled for someone who just started working a few days ago. "Anyways, why're you ordering breakfast? I thought you were a sKiNny LeGEnD, you twink."

"Be quiet, worker. I'm gonna report you for bad customer service. And excuse me, I'm not getting it for myself, I'm getting it for Floris." He pauses for a seconds. No way, did he forget an ingredient or hurt himself? "Oi, you ok?"

"Floris? FLORIS?? When the hell did that happen? Some enemies to lovers arc when I was gone for a day, I suppose." I roll my eyes and scoff. No way in hell. Is it so bad being nice? Well no, this isn't to be nice, of course not. It's to collect favours.

And yet, I forget to reply. Oh my goodness, I am way too deep in thought what is happening. "DID THAT HAPPEN WHEN I WAS GONE FOR A DAY?! WHAT THE HELL MAN!"

"NO! No, no. Stop shouting, we're scaring everyone. I want favours from him just in case so I'm being nice for now. Besides he looks like he came from the dead." Wilbur simply hums and continues doing his coffee magic. Oops, he's forgotten the sugar.

Agh, I could just get two sugars from that stand thing so it's fine. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Wilbur, Wil, Wil. You forgot a custom order, sir. Guess I'll have to rate you 3 stars" His head faces me so fast I think if I were a little more to the left, he could break his neck.

"NO DON'T! Our customer rating is like 69 stars because of my.." He flicks his non-existent long hair "...great looks and strange vibes". 

"Shut up, if your looks were a banknote, you'd be a penny. And you're just a strange man, but not stranger than your browser history." I fire back at him. He stares at me angrily then passes me the drink along with ham and cheese sandwich and mouths " _So you wanna play that game, huh?_ " What is that supposed to mean?

"One customised iced Americano and ham and cheese sandwich without the cheese and milk for Alastair since he has "mega lactose intolerance"". Giggles and outright laughter is heard from both workers and customers.

My jaw just drops.

"Pay for this or I'm giving you and your whole crew 0 stars, bringing your average to a 4 star at best, dickhead" Threats are low, but he brought his work into this, so, so will I.

He groans and utters a "fine" with a little bit of mumbling at the end. I smirk and say thank him for his _lovely_ service. "Wanna head over to that thinking skills class thing together?"

"Yeah ok, there's more than 45 minutes until then anyways right?" Quickly grabbing 2 sugars, bunch of vanilla, cinnamon, cocoa packs and a lemon pop, we leave the store. Ah wait, I'll tell Wilbur to wait for me at the engineering building.

"Hold on, Wil, I'm gonna go give this to Floris and then come back, is that ok?" Wilbur looks hesitant to answer but nods anyways. 

———————————————————————

I'm making my way back to the classroom. Well, running to be honest so that I can do it before Floris wakes up since it’s more dramatic when he finds out it's me. I live for the drama, babe.

I recheck the order just in case I’ve messed it up or Wilbur stole a little bit from me. Awe, the whipped cream kinda got messed up but at least the top still looks pretty. I've finally entered the classroom and see him still sleeping-ish. I try to be as quiet as possible (as in, sneaking and tiptoeing with a side of turning off my ringer) and place the food and drink on his desk. 

He’s clearly hadn’t woken up while I was gone. I could tell by his phone that had fallen on his side of the desk and the hand holding it, still facing the skies. Probably forgot to check the time again.

I walk up to him and make sure that the wat my body moves screams “I’m sneaking over to him since I care for him but I don’t want him to find out it’s me”. Strange but, students here feed on that shit so Floris will obviously find out from one of the nosy classmates.I stand in front of him, taking out the food from a paper bag.

The person next to him gives me an "Aww". Pfft, no, if you knew why I'm doing this, you'd probably disagree with the plan. The Americano is set in front of him with the 2 packets of sugar, one packet of cinnamon, 2 packets of cocoa powder and his all-time favourite combination: lemon pop (any sort of candy would do, usually) and ham and cheese sandwich. 

I put my index finger on my lips to tell them not to reveal to him that it’s me. Of course I’m counting on them to tell him anyways, that’s literally the whole point. I prop one of the 300 books on his side of the desk, in a position where the sun wouldn’t shine in his eyes. He’s already blind as heck.

Slowly, I walk away to meet up Wilbur and just in case Floris might look around to see who gave him the food. He's dumb but not a complete idiot so I have to act normal around him today, a.k.a. don't involve myself with him at all.

I open my phone to see messages coming from Wilbur, saying he'll have to meet me another time since he's found another job.

He’s ditched me.

I don't understand why he gets jobs when his family owns land. How much more of the poor do you want to profit from?! That’s an exaggeration. Wilbur just has no life but whatever, must be nice to be rich.

Angrily texting, I ask him to get me a job at that café. Word is, they’re short staffed so you could get stacks from working there for a whole week.

I realise Fundy also texted me from 15 minutes earlier. I'll just sit down and check it out right now since Wilbur ditched me for money.

ItsFundy: why do you still wathc my dumb videos??

ItsFundy: sstop

ItsFundy: stop

ItsFundy: syop

ItsFundy: yea id say you're a cute person ecxept when we call you sound like you could just do taht hand on the wall tjing to me

ItsFundy: why is your grammar always so perfect on text???? we are not in a meeting my guy

ItsFundy: I am anazingly tired goodbye

The_Eret: What the heck was that? AHAHA! Get some rest, idiot.

The_Eret: I know we aren't in a meeting. Maybe you're just too chill, my guy. How was that?

My phone turns off automatically. What. Why? Right, that stupid program algorithm whatever Fundy made for me so I could study. It was nice _as a thought_ , but it makes me want to throw the phone. He really thought it could work, what a clown.

A sweet one, at least. Ah, Fundy, may as well think about him. Nice, funny, cute voice and attitude, very loud, lazy. The epitome of perfection. No matter how he looked, I know I’d still love him. 

The way he makes me feel so happy and secure just by being with him is enough to look past any of his flaws. For some reason, I have the sudden urge to go outside of the classroom. My body just wants to go outside.

What? Ok then... I get out from the hallways and into the field. Well, now we’re outside like an idiot, brain. I stand around for a few minutes until the large building’s clock starts shrieking showing it’s 8AM as if anyone cares. My legs walk back to the classroom. Was that seriously all my muscle memory was waiting for?! The clock?! It’s not like any classes even start at this time.

I return to the classroom to see a cute envelope with blue polka dots on it and a very fancy “Alastair” written on the left-hand corner. Opening it, I see a... thank you card? With coupons that my mum would probably enjoy? The handwriting is semi-good (I’d rather shave my eyelashes than admit it was beautiful) and in it, it reads:

_Dear Alastair,_

_Thank you for the breakfasts and the deliveries from Mcronald’s. Please say thanks to your mum as well, for paying for them. I owe you guys a lot of money since you’ve been doing this everyday for a week._

_This makes my mum extremely happy lol so I’ll just buy my own food and say it’s from you so that she can stop worrying about me and you get to keep your reputation around her._

_I’ll give you my number: +44 7911 XXXX so that if she ever “happens to drop by right in front of your house”, you can prepare yourself._

_Thank you_

_Floris_

My lips frown from that whole letter. The whole written piece was about how it made his mum felt. What about how he felt from the food? It’s not like I was doing it for his mum. D’you know what? I’m gonna write a letter too.

I look at the bottom of the page and estimate how much space I’m gonna take. Floris didn’t write too much so if I wrote the same amount, it’d be just enough to fill the page. I take my pen out and start writing:

_My esteemed villain,_

_I wasn’t doing it for your mum, idiot. I was doing it for you. You’re not taking care of yourself, like the 10 year old child you are. Tommy has better time management than you._

_You haven’t made breakfast or dinner for yourself ever since the second half of this semester has happened. It’s not a good look on you babe. Don’t be a twink like George and me._

_Take your coupons back and use them for yourself, or I will use it on you._

_Bye bitch_

_P.S. Where did you get the envelope? Kinda cute, ngl._

_Alastair_

I smile at my letter. It’s straightforward and to the point. No way anyone could misinterpret this one. I walk to Floris, again, but this time my boots are clacking the floor like a principal during an important exam.

I walk loudly to make people, especially Floris, know I’m here. His head ducked into his left arm flinches when I stand in front of his column of the room. He’s awake and has seen me. Good.

The letter in my hand, the boots stomping, Floris’s face looking down. Everyone shall witness it! I toss the letter in on the top of his curled back and give him a little kiss on his head for extra spice when I hear rumours about me.

There’s only 30 minutes left until class starts so I’ll spend my time watching a Bob Ross video and trying to copy it with my 3 pens. While waiting for the internet to load my video, I’m wondering how my story of being secretly cute to Floris would turn out.

More twists? Fake information? I’m here for it all.

Bob Ross suddenly plays and I start listening for directions.


	3. Dear darlingest hated,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wake up to see his sleeping face close to mine. The curly locks covering his eyes, grey crop-top leaving his stomach exposed, green sweatpants on hanging waist. I remember last night. Fuck. It happened. Now what?
> 
> Steadily, I get up from the bed and check the time. Nevermind, it's a Saturday. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do so may as well stay in this position. Preferably after I've brushed my teeth because ew. Morning breath sucks. "Morning."
> 
> Ok, maybe it doesn't suck too bad.
> 
> What am I talking about? 
> 
> Oh no, you know exactly what you're talking about. 
> 
> You've known this man for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello am back adjskjaks

Afternoon lectures are about to end, and my phone unlocks. Why does college. Bell ringing, several people, including myself, get up. The teacher finishes their last remarks on why Theseus is important or something like that, I wouldn’t know, I’m not listening. 

A few notifications from Wilbur spamming me, a frequent occurrence when I don’t respond to him and the other 5 are from Fundy. 

ItsFundy: i finally woke up 

ItsFundy: some guy that i thought hated me for years,, got me coffee ,,, i think this is my anime moment eret 

ItsFundy: o rite u cant text cuz of that program i made rip 

ItsFundy: y000000 my classes fucking ended an hour early u cant say the same >:D 

ItsFundy: ohmigod mum found a letter in my bag and is reading it ,, WHY DID SHE LOOK THROUGH MY BAG 

The_Eret: Why does your mum still check your bag? Sounds sus. 

The_Eret: Stop talking about anime cliches without me. I’ll be the exchange student that steals the main character from their childhood friend. Or enemy. 

My eyes roll as I walk outside of the class, ready to get the fuck out of here. Fundy’s mum is quite...peculiar. I mean, who really looks at their 21-year-old son’s bag? That’s somewhat concerning. 

Besides, why’d I choose that name “The_Eret” again? Oh yeah, it’s because Fundy and I were— "ALASTAIR!” a voice calls. Ah fuck. Wilbur’s waiting for me. Hopefully with news about the job I wanted. Such energy in his steps; he impatiently jumps by the door frame. 

I power walk towards him because I know he’ll attract more attention towards himself. “Ey, dude! Guess what?” He excitedly looks at me, but his smiling face gives all the answers away. “YOU GOT THE JOB! Since they saw you earlier and are desperate, they agreed to let you try it out! Now just go to an interview later at 4 and get that money.” 

I sigh in relief and sip my _red bull_. “Thank you, Wil. It’s because of my...” Mockingly flicking my hair, quoting Wilbur. “...good looks and strange vibes.” His face switches to sour so fast and he flips me off. “Ok, no I’m joking thank you so much. I need to pay George back, even though he’s loaded.” 

We both start walking out of the corridors to go back into the arcade, since Wilbur ditched me for his work life. “Would you be mad if I became a stripper?” He asked. It was too genuine to be a joke. 

My drink goes flying from my mouth to the floor. The question caught me off guard and my flying spit caught Wil’s face off guard. “ALASTAIR WHAT THE HELL! I HAVE TO CHANGE SHIRTS NOW!” he shout-whispers, as if no one’s already staring at us. 

I cackle and basically yell on the inside not realising what’s in my way. I close my eyes from laughing way too hard at another one of Wilbur’s dumb meme moments and then- crash! 

Woah! That’s dangerous! I feel the impact on my body but, I’m not on the ground, yet something else was. I look to the floor. Yep something— no, someone else was. 

For fuck’s sake, Floris. “Ok get up, c’mon man you’re a big boy- a boy now.” I snicker and hold his arm to help him up, until I see his face. 

Why is he blushing? 

Badump. 

What. 

“Um, sorry...” Floris shyly says. “My-” 

“Wait no, I’m sorry” Quickly, I say. I wouldn’t want him to think I’m some rude person. I’m not an ass but I do have a big one. Seems like while I was being a kind person, Wilbur and Floris were looking at me strangely. What? Was that so unexpected? Ok, sheesh. “O-oh you were saying something right?” 

“Right.” Floris scratches the back of his head. “Mum _may_ have seen the thing you wrote back to me and _may_ think I need you to ba..y.i.. ..e n..w” What did he say in the last part? He clearly mumbled on purpose. 

“Sorry could you repeat that?” I ask. Floris looks down and bites his bottom lip. Jeez, whatever I need to do must be pretty serious if he’s biting his lip: stage 4 of “Floris is so nervous” and stage 5 is rubbing is hands together. He doesn’t answer but it looks like he just had an idea and brings out his phone to start typing. Can’t he just speak? “You okay?” 

My phone receives a message. 

Floris.: mum thinks you need to watch over me and shes already spoken to your mum,,, 

Floris.: about like movinginwithmeuntiligetmylifetogether becaaaause she saw the stupid letter and thinksthat you were serious about helping me and like yea 

Someone, anyone, please pinch me right now. “I’m sorry hold on a moment, Wilbur, I lowkey forgot you’re here but could you call up George to play with you or something? I’m leaving you, bye! Consider it payback for being ‘married to the grind’!” 

Running, I grab Floris’s sweater paw and dodge the zombies called _“University students”,_ making our way to the streets. 

We’re now on the road. Is it just me or has the world gotten slower now that Wilbur’s gone? Floris stumbles behind me. I need to tell Fundy about this, it’s exactly like a shoujo manga and _I’m_ the flowery boy! My dream, honestly.

My residence isn’t far at all, yet this thick air makes me feel like the time doesn’t exist. Try and break the ice, me. “So... how’d mommy Floris find the letter?” 

Floris takes a while to answer. I look back to make sure he didn’t just faint. Oh dear, he’s on stage 5 nervousness: if not rubbing hands, eyes have a certain blinking pattern that I can’t explain. I hear a sharp breath being inhaled by him. “She thought I was stealing a letter from you because it has your name on it... and then recognised my and your handwriting?” 

The way he phrases it sounds like I’d be mad about it. 

Why aren’t I mad about it? 

Is it really something to be mad about? Made me surprised for sure, but me watching over him for a few doesn’t sound as dreadful as planned. My feet stop running in front of a green pedestrian light that suddenly flashes red. I let go of his hand. “Why do you say it like it’s a bad thing?” 

I wonder what his face looks like. Wonder what we look like. Wonder what he’s thinking. “I’m pretty sure it’s a bad thing. For you, that is.” He replies. I sigh, loudly, yet don’t say anything to that. Perhaps that’s how he thinks of me; I understand. 

“...It’s not necessarily a bad thing for me. Is it, for you?” Scared yet still asked. Quite a strange one, this man is. He doesn’t seem to disagree with the idea of living together at all. 

He’s thinking about it. Is it a bad enough idea he must decide whether to go through with the plan? Is he thinking about how his future will be affected? Is he thinking about us? “No. I don’t really think it’s bad thing. The lights green, Alastair.” He said, so surely.

It causes me to grin a little. 

I look back at him, beaming. “Good. Let’s go!” I’ve long forgotten why I never spoke to him before. This feels nice; being normal around him. As if we’ve been friends for a while. I take his hand and sprint back to my co-owned place. 

——————————————————————— 

The door is already unlocked and there’s Minecraft music (but slowed down) blasting from some cheap speaker, meaning, George probably finished all the work in one day as an excuse to skip class with Clay. Ugh, they’re home. They better not be doing anything I don’t want to hear, see or smell. “Welcome to my not-so-humble abode.” 

Floris and I see the couple on the floor. They also see us but not as shocked as we were. Couldn’t they have been high any other time? Idiots hot-boxed the room; it looks like they had a cooking accident here and accepted death. Ugh, they did one of the 3 things of my list I didn’t want them to do. Get high.

“CLAY! Eret brought someone home and it’s Floris! TheY’RE FINALLY FUCKING! LET’S GOOO!”” George cackles and... cries? Of happiness? “My gaybies! Keep Floris innocent because I am not allowing anything further than handholding. Not in my Christian household.” 

“Oh George~ They didn’t say no! We win!” Clay joins George in his, well, maniac fest with the crying and cackling. They smell of strawberries and sweets with a hint of weed that ruin the whole atmosphere. I hold Floris’s hand tighter as to make sure he’s not scared. 

“Okay... please air out the room and do not offer anything to Floris or else I will bite both of your eyes out.” I bluntly say before heading to my room upstairs. 

“Nice to meet you!” Floris says quietly before being dragged out by me. 

“Oh- he do be protective tho” George adds lastly prior to another laughing fit with Clay. 

Both of us get into my messy bedroom. It just hit me that Floris has never been here. This is kinda sad; I didn’t clean up shit. It looks like I woke up an hour ago and died in here. “Ok it’s so fucking messy, sorry. Sit on the bed or something, I’m gonna text my friend” I get my phone out since I know Fundy texted me earlier, but I was unable to reply. 

ItsFundy: DUDE OH MY GOODNESS YOU COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS 

I call dibs on telling him my story first. 

The_Eret: No, I’m telling you something before you tell me. Btw, this will be long. 

The_Eret: Remember that I have this guy that I didn’t necessarily agree with for a couple-ok, no, for a very long time until recently when my friend Wil told me I should do him favours so that he could give me some in return? Yeah, at one point, a.k.a. 2 weeks ago, this was “genuine” care because the idiot doesn’t know his limits, and today, he wrote me a letter (plus some high-quality shopping coupons; I need to know where he bought them), saying that I should just stop wasting my money on him and that if the purpose is to fool his mum then he can buy things for himself. 

The_Eret: That letter made me irritated because I just wanted the fool to eat breakfast and dinner for once. It makes sense though; I’ve always watched him from afar. Ok, that sounds super stalker-ish but anyways I wrote on the letter saying that he should take back the coupons and use it on himself or else I will. Now here’s the twist: 

The_Eret: His mum read the letter?! Just like your mum! What is up with not trusting sons. Sounds like you guys haven’t been honest with her, smh. Now she wants me to live with him?? Somehow? Not that it’s hard to do so but how does she go a full 180. I lived my anime moment and I understand why Japanese Shoujo anime readers read what they do. 

The_Eret: You should’ve seen it man. We ran through the hallways holding hands and then onto the street. And at one point, we stopped at a pedestrian light that turned red the exact moment a little drama started as if I planned it. That shit was like, time stopped. Anyways I can’t speak more because the buffoon is in my room and I am being embarrassed by my messy ass room. TTYL. 

I look up from my phone to see a very scared Floris checking his texts and typing. Did his mum say anything? I’ll peak over there and see. I walk towards the bed he’s sitting on and he flinches. “Jeez man, I’m not gonna eat you, unless you want me to.” My eyes widen. 

I realise what I said. “I am so sorry; it’s been a literal 4 years since we’ve had a proper convo and I just-” I stop speaking since it gets cut by Floris’s laughing. It’s nice. Not too loud, too quiet, too squeaky, too snorty. Just, nice to listen to. 

“It’s fine. We came here so that I could explain, right?” Floris gets back to the topic and I nod. “So, my mum has made it so that you stay and babysit me for god knows how long. This whole thing was decided 2 hours ago so if you don’t like the idea, too bad. My mum has been given that much time to think about it and hasn’t rejected it? No chance in hell it’ll be rid of, so...” I chuckle a little. She has always been so fast at making decisions. 

“It’s fine with me. Just pick a schedule, I don’t have a life anymore. This doesn’t sound too bad; I can live an anime life.” Oh right, he doesn’t know about Fundy, yet his face loses colour at that statement. “You ok? I’ve had to say that twice to you after speaking to you 3 times.” 

Floris shakes his head. “It’s nothing. I can ask my mum if she was being serious about us living together, for starters. And then we can work from there, maybe.” I hum at that. It’s not like I really care about her answer whether yes or no. I’m curious as to what Floris does at home anyways. Is he messy? Clean? Organised? Hopefully, I’ll find out. 

_Hopefully? Why not find out now?_ That sounds... like a great idea! Except I’m not actually fucking thinking about what I’m saying, it’s my ass that’s doing all the talking. “Wanna...want to stay the night?” Holy shit is this for real? What in the DokiDoki is this pacing? 

“Wait...what? Why? I mean yes but- well it’s-” Floris bites his lips and holds his hands together. He’s showing the 2 highest levels of nervousness at the same time; that’s bad. He inhales then answers. “Yes.” 

“Yes? Cool! Get your shit over here. I’m not helping though. I hate those dorms.” Eyes rolling, he gets out of the room, mumbling something about “elect”? Whatever, he’s still a weirdo. 

I sit down and check my phone for Fundy’s texts to see what his oh-so-very important thing was. 

ItsFundy: woah mums being nosy as hell amirite? 

ItsFundy: jeez man thats a lot of info to take in 

ItsFundy: looks like yall kinda catching feelings for each other 

ItsFundy: i thought i was ur anime boy 

ItsFundy: the thing i was talkin bout wasnt that urgent 

ItsFundy: ight imma head out brb 

Fundy? Not wanting to share his very unbelievable news? Was it that pathetic, he was unwilling to share? With me, who clutches to every piece of “me and/or Fundy related” thing? drama? If he didn’t wanna tell me, it probably wasn’t worth saying. 

The_Eret: Ok, boomer. 

I'm alone by myself, waiting for a man that’s never spoken to me until now. Floris and I have tried to communicate but “Hello, where is Ms./Mr. __” or “Do you know what/where __ is?” don't count. The longest conversation we’ve had was about Minecraft, but that little era didn’t last long since... actually, I’m not sure why. 

If we were so able to hold a conversation before, why’d it all go to shit each time we got somewhere good? Maybe it was my fault. Anyways, I’m waiting on him to pack some stuff for a day. Why’d I offer that? 

I do enjoy taking care of people. It’s most fun when George is sick because it’s like my little games played on Y8. But Floris isn’t George. He’s someone who I’ve despised. Despised? Disliked? Denied? Whichever it is, it’s often a negative connotation. And yet, I’m so willing to help him. 

While I’m elbow-deep in thought, there’s a knock on my door. 


	4. Dear forbidden beloved,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am I allowed, to look at you, like that? Could it be wrong, when you're just so nice to look at? And you mean everything to me. I'd never tell; no, I'd never say a word. I know it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt. I'll be ok, admiring from afar. Because even when you're next to me, we could not be more far apart.
> 
> You taste like birthday cake, storytime and fall. But to you, I taste of nothing at all.
> 
> And you, smell like lemongrass and sleep. You taste like apple juice and peach. 
> 
> And you mean everything to me. So when I disappear, I hope you don't find out that you felt the same as me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this was so long??? i worked on this for so long sjdks

The fuck was that right now? Those texts from Eret. It was too much of a coincidence, right? This isn’t a drama movie where my fated enemy is my best friend in another world. I run out of the house, tears in my eyes. So lucky I didn’t have to spend another dreaded second with Eret. Or Alastair. (And Alastair?) I’m uncertain as to why I’m crying right now but there’s so much to take in.

I make my way to my little dorm to get one day’s worth of clothes. What is there to take in? I stop in my tracks for a second and crouch to breathe for a while. Little did I know, Wilbur’s there watching me. So, what if he does?

I laugh to myself like a madman at the thought of Eret being Alastair. Am I glad that he’s Eret? Why hadn’t I figured it out? Wilbur’s still staring at me but much more intense now. I decide to start a conversation. “Hey Wilbur, why’re you here?”

Wilbur is dumbstruck by my question. “U-uh, well Alastair over here’s as broke as 4th year Alex so I got him a job so that he can stop leeching off of his sugar daddy.” I tilt my head in confusion. Sugar daddy? George? “Hey, wait you’re on your way from his house... are you guys-”

“NO!” He jumps a little at my sudden loudness. “I mean, ahem, no, we’re just friends having some sort of sleepover. What’re you doing at his house, hmm?” I turn the questions on him so that he forgets my reaction. Wilbur is not that stupid, but I wish he were, sometimes.

“Mhm. Sure. I’m gonna remind the fucker that he has a job interview in literally 20 minutes since they moved it up. He’s probably forgotten all about it.” Wilbur exhales in disappointment. Sounds like something Eret would do.

He'd always forget to do something he’d swear he wouldn’t forget. Like a 2nd grader with an art project. He’s such a child. “Ok, well I’m off to go knock on his door dramatically now, see ya.”

That phrase scares me a bit. It was probably nothing, right? “Oh yup, no prob bob. See ya!” I see the dorms in the distance after walking for a few minutes. Oh, damn it, I also have an interview at the new coffee shop. Eret- Alastair? Eret-Alastair. He and I joked about meeting the person of my dreams there, so I figured why not.

Also, the pay is high as hell because no one wants to be hired: they force a lot of information down your throat for you to swallow in under a week. Little do they know, I’m quite great at memorisation and I need that money to stop relying on my mum. I’m in university now. Feels a little sad to still make her pay my rent.

I go up the dormitories’ stairs. The elevator broke because someone spilled soda in places of it, that I’ve never even touched. Luckily, I don’t have a roommate; they are the hardest to get used to, if I hadn’t known them previously. After 4 flights of stairs, I reach my room, Room 3D.

Door unlocked, I quickly get to my closet and pick the nicest pyjamas that I have and change my clothes for that interview. The whole place is amazingly small for its price. When entering, you can already spot my bed.

It’ll be a 45-minute interview so maybe something not too sweaty? Not too comfortable either. Perhaps a thin semi-tight black sweatshirt with black skinny jeans and glasses for that “I’m smart” look.

Very stereotypical, noted, but if my blindness were finally an advantage, I’ll take it. I’ve packed my resume, emergency pack (clothes for 3 days, toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, facemasks and lip masks for the shits, etc.) and rejection candy (candy that comforts me if I don’t get the job).

I’m changing my clothes when I check the time on my phone. At that exact moment, a notification pops up from my interviewer, Mr. Noveschosch, saying that I should be there in an hour and 5 minutes, as the previous interviewee cancelled last minute.

Perfect. There’s less time to wait for the results. With an income like that, people, especially students, must be lining up to be hired. I text Mr. Noveschosch back, confirming I received and understood the message.

I pick up my journal planner and speed-walk to Alastair-Eret’s house to catch him before he leaves for his interview. I’m not sure what I’ll say but hopefully I'll tell him who I am and that it’s the reason I can’t stay with him. In the event of miscommunication or simple fear, I’ve prepared the sleepover pack.

Running, I make my way into the road. The universe really must’ve lined up for me because there has never been any sort of people traffic in the streets until now; some asshole catcalled me; a child’s ice cream almost fell onto my shoes and someone tried to rob me.

Finally reaching Alastair-Eret's place and repeating my greetings to George and Clay, who are still very high, I barge into Alastair-Eret's room and exhale in relief. “Final-fucking-ly.” I pant; there was so much stuff to dodge on the road, it was like real life Cat Mario out there.

“Took you long enough” Alastair sarcastically spits from his bed. I shut the door, still standing, frown at him and furrow my eyebrows.

“I went through hell coming back here. There were so many people blocking my way, a dickhead catcalled me, a brat’s sundae dropped by my feet and I basically got mugged. You can’t speak, Er-” I look at him in shock, but he doesn’t seem to notice my mistake. “You are an arrogant and tall being.”

Alastair snickers. “Sorry that you’re closer to hell than I am.” Excuse me.

I stay silent to scare him a little. 5, 4, 3, 2... “Oi, I’m needing to ask if you’re alright agai-” He gets up from the bed and tries to walk towards me. NOW!

Swiftly, I grab a large pillow laying around on the floor and throw it at him, making him fall back down onto the bed. “WHICH ONE OF US IS CLOSER TO THE GROUND NOW? BITCH?” I yell in victory.

“Ok. Stop. I need to tell you something and it’s super important and may affect everything that’s happened.” This is what I came for. This is what I must do, before he figures out that I’ve known all along. For the sake of Fundy and Eret’s relationship. Our relationship? “I’m-”

DING. DING. DING. An alarm? Alastair’s alarm. For the interview? “Hold that thought, Floris.” Floris. Floris. Was it bad that I was ok with this being all he knew about? Do I hide myself? Just stop talking until he goes away? Confront him?

Alastair starts bringing out a paper and some sort of book. Probably his résumé and a planner. The planner is a cute pink colour; I need to remember to ask where he got it from. Suddenly, he takes his shirt off. Just. Took it off. In front of me. Did he forget I was here?! “DUDE, WARNING NEXT TIME.” I look away, panicked.

“Oh, c’mon Floris. Haven’t you seen a fellow age-mate take of their clothes?” He asks, all cocky. I don’t answer because...why would I? I’m not saying yes or no. The obvious answer is no but it’ll kill me to admit it. “...have you?”

Still no replying. “No way.”

What, has he? He never told me that. “Eh, no judge. You do you. Not as if I have either.”

Seriously? Him? King Alastair, Flirt God: Home of the Dramatics? “Yes, King Alastair, Flirt God: Home of the Dramatics.” Did I accidentally just say my thoughts?

“What... Pshhh, no, I never said anything of the sort. Anyways go faster at preparing yourself. Some people have places to be.” I demand with fake hints of annoyance.

“And who said anything about needing to wait for me?” Fuck, he got me there.

“Shut the hell UP. Fine, I’ll leave then. Ungrateful.” I don’t actually care if he stops me or not. I’m gonna see him later anyways so it’s not really worth anything, those few seconds of not seeing him.

I reach my hand out for the door handle. “Ok, no don’t leave, I’m joking. I’m...almost...and... done! I’m done!” Eret chants like a 5-year-old who just learned how to tie their shoelaces. We both exit the room and walk downstairs. “Why’d you dress up all going-out-y?”

Well, you’d know, Eret. I’m being a shoujo manga main character. I can’t say that though, he’ll figure it out. “I’m going to the coffee shop for a job interview that is in an hour and 5 minutes. I need that money badly.” His face switches from a “cool” to a “wait WHAT?!” in 4 seconds. He snaps out of it and locks the main door behind us since anyone could attack the two idiots on the floor and all they’d do is cry.

“That coffee shop?! I’m applying for that job too! Wilbur recommended me to them since I need that money. £25 an hour? Hell yes.” I laugh because all that is motivating us is a piece of cotton paper.

We spend another 10 minutes walking and talking as if we’ve known each other for so long. Well, we have but, known each other well? We’ve done that too. Never mind, my points sound dumb. But Eret doesn’t know that we know each other well. I’m hoping he never finds out or else those years of trust will crumble down. “I guess I’ll see you in a bit then! Hopefully, 45 minutes after you’ve started the interview or else my schedule will cry. The whole day has been full of unplanned decisions and I can’t control spontaneousness.”

“Ok, control freak.” Alastair insults. “Here’s our stop.” We stand before the coffee shop and enter together. Something I never expected to happen, even if it did by chance. “Wish me luck”

“I would except if there were more employees, the pay might decrease.” Alastair flips me off and I blow him a kiss which he flicks away. Why did I do that? Why is he so comfortable with me, even without knowing it’s me, Fundy? I sit down, watching him speak to Mr Noveschosch, 2 tables away. My timer is set 30 minutes from now in order to prepare myself for the Job interview.

I find myself quite tired from the day. First Alastair giving me a letter, then my mum finding it and asking him to babysit me, finally ending up in this sleepover with the plot twist that he’s actually someone that hasn’t been the easiest to breathe around. Tired, I close my eyes and think with the 40 minutes left of Alastair-Eret's interview.

What did I think about Eret? He’s my friend. My closest friend. Someone who’s been inspired by me and is inspiring to me. I wanted to improve because of him. The games I play, the things I like, the way I live are all thanks to him. He’s my best friend. The one who I’ve been dying to talk to; the one I’ve been killing to be around; the one I’ve been living for. It’s all him.

What did this mean for us? Should I let him know? Will it let him down? What will we do after that point? Unconsciously, I drift to sleep, with my head buried in my arms.

After, what felt like mere minutes, I wake up to see his sleeping face close to mine. The curly locks covering his eyes, grey crop-top leaving his stomach exposed, green sweatpants on hanging waist. I remember last night. Fuck. It happened. Now what?

Steadily, I get up from the bed and check the time. Nevermind, it's a Saturday. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do so may as well stay in this position. Preferably after I've brushed my teeth because ew. Morning breath sucks. "Morning." He sleepily croaks, wrapping his arms around my waist.

Ok, maybe it doesn't suck too bad.

What am I talking about?

Who is this?

Oh no, you know exactly what you're talking about.

You've known this man for years.

You’ve wanted this for years.

My eyes shoot open and I check my watch. Exactly 28 minutes has passed, and I decide to stop my 15-minute early timer, 2 minutes earlier. If you hadn’t noticed, I’m quite the authoritarian and punctuality is important to me. Frantically looking around, I see Alastair-Eret laughing with Mr. Noveschosch, indicating a near end to their conversation.

What was that strange dream? The more I think about, the less I can remember. It’s pissing me off. Mr Noveschosch sends a barista to tell me that he’s available for his next interview and has 17 extra minutes for me. Nervously, I prepare my planner and résumé and walk towards his table.

———————————————————————  
The interview is done exactly 17 minutes before schedule. Mr. Darryl (he had instructed me to use his given name) has quite the presence. Despite sounding so kind and soft, there’s a sense of strictness and authority. I think I’ll like it here.

We shake hands and split paths. I spot a sleeping Eret-Alastair sitting at my table. His body is so long that he looks like a prawn on that chair. “Hey Eret, get up already”

What did I just say? What if he’s awake?! I’ve screwed it up. Luckily, he doesn’t react. “Alastair! C’mon! We're in public” I whisper-shout and rub his for arm to get him up. At last, he does and I ask, “Why were you sleeping?”

“Waiting for you” This makes my cheeks flush. Why would he say something like that? “Can we go home now?” He should be careful with how he speaks to me because anything more, I’ll fall for him, no joke. We exit our future workplace (hopefully) and get back home.

———————————————————————

Alastair-Eret's house is finally rid of George and Clay. Well not necessarily because while we were in Alastair’s room, we could hear them. We’re rid of their presence around us; they’re clearly captivated with each other, or for Clay’s case, in each other. I had to do it to ya. “Let’s pretend we’re deaf right now.”

“So... they’re still high as hell, aren’t they?” I chuckle to myself. Of course, I know marijuana effects. I’m from Netherlands, let’s be real. Alastair gives me an apologetic look. “Wanna do something to ignore them? Play any games? Happen to like Phasmophobia or minecraft?”

That was a selfish move to ask about the things Eret and I play together. But if I really want answers whether Eret is Alastair, this is a way to find out. Besides, before our relationship goes to shit, I’d like to play with Eret in person.

Even if he didn’t know who I was, this is much better. It’s not like Alastair was exactly hard to speak to when having a discussion. “Woah! You play? Why hadn’t you told me?!” Alastair’s eyes light up in happiness.

“Well, I’m telling you now. Besides, there’s this guy that I watch, and he made a new difficulty! Can you believe that?! Must’ve taken him so long. I’ve got it downloaded and I’m pretty sure it can be used on multiplayer.” Agh, is he allowed to look at me like that? Like someone finally understood him? The longer I look at him, the more I realise how nice he is to look at.

He starts laughing and putting his hands behind his head, standing. “Oh ho-ho my god! Y-you're a fan of Fundy!” The more he becomes jolly, the more it feels like knives are stabbing through my throat. Can I keep going on like this? “He’s one of the coolest people ever! I’ve been a fan since he’s started his channel! Like waaay before the name Fundy even came out!”

Did I like how he complimented me? Was it because he looked happy? Am I being selfish?

The more he speaks, the more dangerous it gets, staying with him. “Well, tell me all about him while playing his difficulties. I’ve got all of them on this bad boy.” My hands, shivering, carry my laptop out, already opened on Minecraft. I create a new server called “Fundy pls notice me” and face the laptop to Alastair, for him to see the IP address.

Here's the moment of truth. “It’s loading!” Alastair says excitedly.

**The_Eret joined the game**


	5. My worst rival,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To whom this may aggravate, 
> 
> Alastair, I'm sorry for never being able to get close to you until now. My timing sucks. I don't know why I always avoided you when we finally became friends and I thought after the 4th time it's happened, you'd get fed up. But you didn't. 
> 
> You're always so strong and confident even if you're scared. Ever since we were kids, you'd fight for what you thought was right. I admired that. I soon realised that I admired you too. I...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall im mega yoloing i have no idea where this is going i didnt even make a plot plan
> 
> edit: omlll guys my spaces are so weird for some reason pls ignore ellemayo

After a  drunk  night of Fundy’s Minecraft compilation and anything to do with m y videos ,  I wake up first .  Resting next to me on the bed is none other than a knocked-out Alastair, who looks  like he’s in an orchestra .  Checking the time (4:20AM. ..not as  pogchamp as expected ), I get up and head to the bathroom before mak ing coffee for  myself.

The mirror reminds me of what happened yesterday during “Fundy’s Favourites”.  Alastair had given me a large , grey t-shirt and his little sister’s high waisted belt in order to become a dress . Well, it wasn’t large, but it was large on me for some reason.

We pretended  to have  danced at a “grand ball”. I was Cinderella and Eret was the prince though I harshly disagreed due to his clothing  choice, so he  chose a white blouse with  a black  s kirt which explains the  orchestra look .

After that ball, I can’t remember anything.

Not because I was drunk, but because  I’m trying to convince myself that. Of course, I remember everything.

Last night, we were about to play my Spooky difficulty when I wanted to test out if he was the real E ret and not some hacker who managed to get his fake name. 

_ “ _ _ Wait _ _... are you THE Eret?! The guy  _ _ who betrayed  _ _ all of _ __ _ L’manberg _ _?! One of my favourite streamers?! You were here?! This whole time?! _ _ I knew Clay was Dream _ _ ,  _ _ Wilbur and George... well, duh. _ _ Ever since Wilbur outed himself in 12 _ _ th _ _ grade and  _ _ George streams with his face. _ __ _ BUT WOAH! YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING MAN!” _ _ I exclaimed. Honestly, a lot of that wasn’t a fake reaction but it’s been exaggerated for effect. _

_ Eret’s jaw drops. “Y-you know  _ _ me? _ _ Woah! Never expected that one out of you! Nice to meet you, _ _ fan, _ _ I think”  _ _ He probably doesn’t realise how happy he is to be recognised. I shake his hand and start complimenting him over and over. _

_ This was the final test. He had unfortunately passed. There's no excuse to think it’s not him anymore. _

I wait for the water to heat up in George’s electric kettle to put in my mug. I brought one, ju st in case. Mixing the coffee, hot water + milk and 3 spoons of sugar, I  leave a not e reading:

“ _ Gone out.  _

_ Will come back in a bit. _ __

_ Probably discovering junk _

_ -Floris _ _ ” _

T hinking about that rooftop place I saw  earlier; I left his house and climbed the emergency stairs going upstairs. Not that, that was where they lead to because that is basically screaming for a lawsuit to happen, but that it was the least obvious way to get there without looking suspicious. 

The stairs were much longer than I thought. Fortunately, it was still 4AM so no one was awake to see my dress that I forgot about when I was  4 / 5 th s  up the stairs. There was about 1-2 hours left until sunrise so that’s enough time to  come back before anyone realises. Plus, it’s not like  Eret-Alastair will  wake up early; that’s another advantage of being drunk .

I sit myself down on a broken wooden box and take a look at the dark sky and breathe the  morning air in. It’s comforting, knowing that even if I can’t move on from  him ,  time will drag me to a place where I already have. Maybe in the future, we’ll be alright with each other. But for now, he must not know.

My earbuds in,  b last ing “ F vck Somebody ” by  The Wrecks (I don’t know what music he listens to,  sorry. ) , I look at the  sky and hum along to it. Maybe the vibes don’t match the time of day right  now, but it doesn’t matter; what even is the vibe?  Yesterday didn’t match the vibe of my whole life yet it’s still a part of it.

In a way, it really summarises my situation yet is the complete opposite. “ _ I just  _ _ wanna _ _ love someone who’s not  _ _ ya _ _ , but here we are”  _ It made me feel  helpless but hopeful. Everything about Eret-Alastair fucks me over, but here we are,  _ where we grew up.  _ _ Break my heart, say you never ever, ever, ever loved me. _

While I’m being an emo prick, I don’t hear the door open. Someone taps me on the shoulders; I tense up. Please don’t be him.  I inhale and look behind.

It’s... George? He gives me a confused look then smiles when he takes a good look at my clothes and sits down on the ledge, next to me . “Nice outfit , Floris. Wish you had eyeliner though, would’ve honestly been a look.” I didn’t think he’d be awake at such an early time. I turn off my phone and remove my earphones.

“What’re you doing up so early?”  I ask. Pretty sure I know what they were doing last night but I’m not about to bring that up.

“Well, I heard water in the sink, so I assumed there was another leak. It’s basically PTSD at this point. The bills were soaring at one point due to so me dumb sink mishap . It was that idiot, Alastair’s fault in the first place so you could imagine how much he owes me.” I nod in understanding. That makes sense as to why he needed that job desperately. “How about you? I thought you’d be a sleepy drunk that’d wake up at 2pm. ”

“ Oh... I didn’t drink at all. Alastair didn’t realise that though. I kept putting my drinks in his. ” Last night was the most fun but I think we went way too far for people who just became friends.

George sees my face shift from smiling to a try-hard poker face. “Did you have fun?”, he carefully asks

Certainly. I really did. “That’s the problem.”, bluntly, I state.

“Not sure what you’re going through but Alastair isn’t as complicated as you might think. Mind telling me what’s on your mind?” His effect on people is amazing. I never saw George as a wise person. He’s not an idiot, obviously,  but he’s more like the irresponsible older sibling that will be responsible when needed.

I start silently sobbing while biting my lip. “This is embarrassing”, I give a nervous laugh. “Are you sure? There's a shit ton  to unpack.”

George doesn’t say anything but just nods, smiling.  “Come here on the ledge.”

I explain everything about Eret, Alastair and Fundy. How long we’ve known each other for. How I accidentally found out. How my mum made up with a dumb idea. Eret-Alastair giving me those breakfasts and dinners for “favours ” yet gets angry when I  tell him that he can stop. Eret-Alastair inviting me to a sleepover. Him honestly being my biggest fan despite already talking to me  daily . Me being his fan despite daily communicating. Me, testing if he’s really  The_Eret as if everything else could be fake news.  Me being unable to speak to him properly.

Everything , including me leaving . 

“ My only question is... what do you feel for Alastair and Eret now? I know you’re quite the  organiser so get your phone out and make a chart or something and write each thing you like for Eret and Alastair. Tell him before it happens. I think he deserves to know and you deserve to let it out ” George pats my back and  jumps back onto the building rooftop to go  back and probably wake Clay’s ass up.

I start speaking to myself. “What do I feel for Eret?” I type up everything I say.  After a whole self-therapy session for an hour or so , the sun shines over my  list which consists of Eret and Alastair’s best points  by my standards  based on experience (and alphabetically arranged) .

**_ e _ ** **_ ret _ ** **_ : _ **

  * _always_ _honest_
  * _b_ _ad sleep schedule_
  * _c_ _ool boots_
  * _f_ _unny as fuck_
  * _g_ _reat listener_


  * _h_ _e has his dumb moments but has good intent_
  * _h_ _yper all the time_
  * _i_ _nteresting to speak to (strange topics)_
  * _makes efforts to be friends_
  * _p_ _a r_ _r_ _o t_


  * _q_ _uite the flirt_
  * _reassuring_
  * _s_ _incere when speaking_
  * _s_ _pontaneous_
  * _s_ _weet and encouraging_


  * _v_ _ery flirty_
  * _v_ _ery punctual and quite the sarcastic bitch_



_ What do you feel:  _

  * _always wanted to talk to him_
  * _admiration_


  * _being around him is fun_
  * _i like making him laugh_
  * _i_ _want him to be happy_
  * _i want to impress him often_
  * _makes me happy_


  * _quiet yet silence is full_
  * _secure_
  * _safe_
  * _talking about him is cool too_
  * _when on call,_ _im_ _way_ _too_ _happy_



**_ a _ ** **_ lastair _ ** **_ : _ **

  * _d_ _espite him hating me before,_ _never made fun of me for shallow things_
  * _f_ _ashionable without trying_
  * _k_ _ind without trying (by instinct)_
  * _m_ _essy-_ _ish_


  * _s_ _assy and dramatic_
  * _s_ _incere when_ _trying to_ _be mean_
  * _s_ _uper_ _Tsundere_



_ What do you feel: _

  * _comfortable now_


  * _kinda nice_
  * _scared in a way_
  * _shy as hell_
  * _used to be suffocated_



I reread each point over and over. Am I... in love with Eret - Alastair ? Was that the feeling of love? Eret is just a persona of Alastair. Have I been in love with  Eret without knowing? How about Alastair? Does that mean I like him since I like Eret?

When will he know? Will he ever know? Can’t I control tha t? Why am I asking so many questions?

What’s going to happen now?  My impatience of never being able to know what’s going on will turn into anxiety.

Should I go downstairs to tell him right now? The answer is always going to be uncertain. I’m not going to tell myself to not be  afraid , but to do it anyways despite being afraid. What’s the point of knowing the possib ility of something  you could do,  when you won’t even try it?

I run down the stairs as fast as I could and open the door to Alastair’s apartment . He’s not Eret-Alastair anymore. He’s simply Alastair, a complex man that can ’t be described in a paragraph. It’ll take years  for him to explain him self , but I’m willing to listen to all of it. Because I love him.

It’s not a sudden love for him either; it’s a sudden realisation that I had all t his love in the first place. Now is the time to figure out what to do with it. 

Letting myself into the room, I check if Alastair is awake. I am unable to recall how much he’s drank so this may take a while. While he sleeps, there’s a note in my phone that will be my “speec h” to him where I feel is the best time to tell him  who I am and how I feel. But first, I’ll make breakfast.

———————————————————————

The alarm clock screams in my ear to remind me that the most boring type of- hold on. It’s a Saturday. There are no classes. It’s not an alarm clock that wakes me up, it’s  a n 11AM alarm made by... Floris . “ _ wake  _ _ eReT _ _ up”  _ Eret...ERET? HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT NAME?! 

There are 10 messages from Fundy and Wilbur.

My shock is enough to give me energy to get up and wash my face before looking around for Floris.  I hear chattering below with Clay and someone else. Investigating, I  go downstairs, looking at Floris and Clay watch some police  show? “Floris, what are you doing?” I ask.

“Calm down you big baby, were you worried when you didn’t wake up with me? By the way, I’m watching a show called Brooklyn 99. Firs t season, halfway done already AND started only today, with Clay” I rolled my eyes. Hold on, the whole time, they were just watching TV? Surprised Clay and Floris got  along.

“I wasn’t worried, I saw your alarm name. How'd you know my Minecraft YouTube channel name?” My head hurts like hell. Who let me be this lightweight? I only had 4 glasses of wine + sprite but my body  acts like it had double that. While I touch my head in pain, George, Clay and Floris burst into laughter. “What?”

“Are you stupid or something? I literally admitted to being your biggest fan, idiot. Never mind, I like Dream wastaken and  Georgenotfound more. By the way guys, what’s your favourite fan fiction about you two?” Floris asks the couple, as if him saying he was my biggest fan can just be grazed over. 

Clay and  George give it genuine thought until George speaks up. “I like the one with Clay flying to England to be my pretend boyfriend. It's the cutest even though the family might not be as accurate.” Hey, hey, hey! Don’t go ignoring me!

“Wait Flor-”

“True though, the plot was  great, and it captured internalised homophobia as a big problem, since it really is.” Clay adds in.  “ ** Eret,  ** what are you still doing here?”

“Okay guys, enough teasing. The big baby clearly wants my attention so Clay, please pause on A my’s thanksgiving.” Clay gives a thumbs up and brings out his phone. Is Floris talking about me right now? “I’m talking about you,  ** Eret ** . I didn’t eat for 5 fucking hours, waiting for you to get up so you better eat right  now, or I’ll break the plates. ” , he threatens.

For someone so harmless looking, Floris really gets it from his mum. Both are small with sweet energy but when turned against you, they won’t hesitate to hurt. “Yup. Got it,  thanks for cooking !”. He sits next to me and  signals me to sit down faster. I pull out my chair .

“ Do you remember anything from last night? I bet you don’t, judging from your clothes.” Floris points out. My clothes? I look down at my body, seeing a wrinkled dress shirt  messily tucked into my black skirt. “Very charming, prince.”

I try to remember things but my head still hurts. Floris pours me some water and hands me an orange . “Thanks . How do you know about Eret? ” He gives me the most disappointed look. “What?”

“I geeked about you, dumbass.  Can’t believe you forgot about me, man. Way to treat your fans. I’m  gonna ask George to tweet that.” He laughs. “You  kno - hm?” Floris feels a vibration from his pocket. He sits on his phone for a little while and falls backwards on his chair. Not enough to fall, but enough for him to look like a cat with a broken back.

I stare at him. “What was that?”

“Job interview results. Why can’t they name the Email ‘We’re sorry to say...’ or ‘We’re happy to say...’ so that I don’t have to be shaking to open this?”  Burying his head behind his knees, he exhales, looking more confident. “Ok, let’s do this.”

Floris zooms through the introduction  but stops since  I get a notification on my phone too. Same deal here; it’s literally called ‘Job interview  results’ .  “Wait... let’s open them at the same time.” He nods his head. I figured they’d give the same letter to everyone so I’ll read it out loud. “Dear Mr. Alastair, I was very excited to  meet you in person-”

“ - this afternoon and to hear your offer of employment as a barista for  Halo coffee. ” Floris says as the same time as me. Quite a weird mix since we’re speaking in different pitches. “Please consider this letter as my formal acceptance.”

Oh my god. “No way.”  I exclaim. “we... we did it! WE GOT SOME SORT OF INCOME BITCHES!” I face towards George and Clay in excitement. Floris doesn’t say anything but just wears this shocked face.

“Good job Floris! Oh, and  ** Eret ** ** ,  ** nice. You can finally pay for sink with actual money”  George sarcastically adds. Asshole. 

Clay shouts. “MY SON. YOU CAN FINALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE MORE OFTEN! This was an amazing idea , George .  Seriously though , that’s amazing, you two.” What  horny bitch. I’m way too happy to think of anything though. Scanning through the rest of the letter, I see a schedule. Quite fast, but they’re understaffed so not unexpected.

"Hey, they put us together for each shift! Quite strange considering it’d be more efficient for business if they put me during 5-7pm but whatever, not complaining.” Floris remarks. I check my schedule and see a note by Mr.  Noveschosch . It said that I  privately asked Wilbur... to make sure my shifts and Floris’s shifts lined up. 

This meant  4, 3-4 hour , shifts a week. 12-16 hours a week with Floris. 

Usually, this would enrage me but today must be a good day; I'm don’t care at all. He’s not as bad as I thought.

———————————————————————

“What’s up with you,  ** King Eret ** ?” I call out to Alastair. He seems to be thinking about something more important than a job. That’s a very small list for me . “ yOu OkAy ?” I imitate him from yesterday.

“Shut up. I was concerned, my fan.” He shoots back at me. How unfair.

“Fine be that way. I hope Wilbur, George and Clay  make a video about how you speak to me , a loyal fan , who’s seen every stream with you in it.” Pretending to be hurt, I watch Alastair roll his eyes.

I look back at George and Clay to back me up. But instead, I find myself slightly envious of them , laying on the couch and wonder if I could ever have Alastair feel that way about me.

Am I allowed to look at you, like th at ? Could it be wrong, when you're just so nice to look at? You mean everything to me. I'd never tell; no, I'd never say a word. I know it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt. I'll be ok, admi ring from afar. Because even wh ile  you're next to me, we could not be more far apart.

Your sarcasm,  your flair  are just  reasons I love  you  more. Not that if  you  didn’t have those things,  it wouldn’t feel the same, but because it’s  you  that acts this way, I tend to like everything about  you . 

You ’d taste like birthday cake, story time and fall.  Such plain things yet they make me feel happier than anything.  But to you, I taste of nothing at all.

And you, smell like lemongrass and sleep. You taste like apple juice and peach.

You’re everything. So  when I disappear, I hope you don't find out that you felt the same as me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhm so im ending this thing

Hello, non-existant fanbase!

I'm writing this to let y'all know that I'm going to be deleting this whole thing. This is because I read something on twitter from a fan, saying that Eret is uncomfortable with shipping and I'm not going to just ignore that since it's my job, as a fan, to respect his boundaries as he respects ours (in the way that he let's us cosplay, make fanart, etc.).

Despite there being no evidence of this person's claim, I'm not about to become toxic and continue if there's a chance the people in this story will feel unsafe or creeped out. The last thing I want is to force them to create a 'serious stream' that mainly revolves around fanfiction because it'll mean I would be contributing to that and I don't want to drive them into a corner. I'll be deleting the whole story by the end of my school day so that you guys can see this message and hopefully read up on which Minecraft content creators are comfortable with what; it was my mistake, so do not do the same.

I'll probably keep writing new things but I'll be totally deleting everything, even on my laptop, phone, etc. I tend to write more fanfiction since I'm too lazy to create a personality and memorise names so expect more fanfiction of people. My opinion on irl shipping is probably to do it as a joke and not something you actually wish would happen. Perhaps that sounds hypocritical since I JUST wrote a shipfic on real people but this was more so ranting because I am currently in a similar situation (not that I have a million viewers, I just found out someone's identity) and wanted to rant. 

I don't actually want any person to feel pressured into a relationship so if you actually ship someone who's not a cartoon character, please stop! It's like when you had your first relationship in 6th grade because the whole class shipped you, not because you liked each other. We are not going to manipulate them into thinking they need to be together in order to get love from us. 

Thank you for reading and giving me kudos but please take them all back!

-King

EDIT: Give suggestions to my instagram account: @tsukki_owo1610. The reason for its shady ass name and its weeb like bio/name, is because I do not want anyone finding out who I am in real life or anyone in real life finding this out.


End file.
